Toilet Paper

As a grown up, I realize that through the course of life I have learned many valuable lessons. some of them were taught to me by my mom and dad. Some I learned in school and through experience. Many of them were taught to me by my aunts. Now, I am an aunt and my oldest niece recently started kindergarten. I know that they say everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten. I disagree. I believe that there are some things that one cannot learn in a classroom. These are lessons that can only be learned by living. So, here it is. A year's worth of tiny words of advice for all of the nieces and nephews out there, or really for anyone who will listen. They may not work for everybody and you may not agree with all of them, but each is a rule that I either try to live by or wish I did.

# 33 Toilet paper

Okay, you really have to go. You are out in public and you're in a hurry. Perhaps it is the day after Thanksgiving and everyone and their mother is trying to do their Christmas shopping. You are in the mall and you have been standing in line for a good 37 minutes. It is finally your turn. You rush into the stall, shut the door and sit down. I am not even going to go into the fact that you just sat down. You relieve yourself and then you pull off the few squares of toilet paper that it takes for you.
First of all, you have no idea who touched that first piece of toilet paper before you did. You have no idea what was on their hand when they touched it.
Now there are a lot of things that happen in bathrooms that don't bother me. I rarely use those seat cover things and I am not really even a hoverer, though I do at least look at the seat before I sit on it. I NEVER, EVER just willingly use the first piece of toilet paper. I ALWAYS tear it off and use a fresh piece that has never been exposed.
What if the the person before sneezed and had the flu and wiped their hand on that particular piece of TP? What if they dribbled on themselves while wiping and instinctively wiped their hand on that piece of TP? GROSS!!!!!!
As an aunt, when my nieces were old enough to potty by themselves, but still needed help, this was the first piece of advice that I remember passing on. I think I may have even made it up, but one day in Chucky Cheese's, I watched in slow motion as my oldest niece was about to reach for the first piece of toilet paper, dangling there so innocently. "NOOOOOOOOOO" I screeched as I pulled it off and explained to her why she had to tear it off and get a new one.
Please people, tear off the first piece. it will at least help me sleep at night to think that you are practicing safe bathroom procedures.

If you have to go... go

As a grown up, I realize that I have learned many valuable lessons through the course of life. Some of them were taught to me by my mom and dad. Some of them I learned in school and through expereince. Many of them were taught to me by my Aunts. Now, I am an aunt and my oldest niece recently started kindergarten. I know that they say everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten. I disagree. I believe that there are some things that one cannot learn in a classroom. These are lessons that can only be learned from living. So, here it is. A year's worth of advice for all of the nieces and nephews out there, or really for anyone who will listen. They may not work for everybody and you may not agree with all of them, but each is a rule that I either try to live by or wish I did.

# 13 If you have to go to the bathroom, get up and go.

When I was in the third grade, I wet my pants at school. It was within the last 45 minutes of the day and I asked my teacher to let me go to the bathroom. She told me to hold it, that she knew I could wait just a few more minutes. A few minutes later, I asked her again and she told me again, more firmly that I needed to sit down and wait.
Let me just insert here that I HATED my third grade teacher. My mom HATED her too.
So, moving on. I still remember what I was wearing, though that doesn't matter now. I wet my pants and my horrible excuse for a teacher told me that I did it on purpose just to get attention, and would NOT let me leave the room until the bell rang.
One of my friends gave me her jacket to tie around my waste and walked me to my mom's car as I cried my eyes out.
My mom took one look at me, asked me what happened, and my friend told her. She grabbed my hand, marched me back into the school principal's office and demanded to speak to my teacher. My teacher finally waddled into the office and my mom said words that I know I was never supposed to hear. She told my teacher that from this moment on, If I had to go to the bathroom, I would not ask. I would get up in the middle of whatever was going on, and I would go. PERIOD!
For the rest of my school career and even into adulthood, I have carried this advice with me.
It is our God given right to be able to go to the bathroom. If anyone tells you that you can't, who cares. How dare anyone try to judge when someone else's bladder is full. You know when you need to pee... so just get up and go.