Sunday, October 10, 2010

Beyond our control

As a grown up, I realize that through the course of life I have learned many valuable lessons. Some of them were taught to me by my mom and dad. Some I learned in school and through experience. Many of them I learned from my aunts. Now I am an aunt and my oldest niece recently started kindergarten. I know that they say everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten. I disagree. I believe that there are some lessons that one cannot learn in a classroom. These are lessons that can only be learned by living. So, here it is. A year's worth of tiny words of wisdom for all the nieces and nephews out there or really for anyone who will listen. You may not agree with all of them and they may not work for everybody, but each is a rule that I either try to live by or wish I did.

# 41 Don't get angry at someone for something that is beyond their control


The other night I was riding the subway home late at night. The train was filled with a bunch of people who were ready to be home. We stopped at one stop on the regular route and then the doors closed and the operator announced that the train would be going express. I for one was really excited because that meant that I would get home more quickly. Everyone else, however, started to grumble and complain. A couple of guys even knocked on her door to express their very strong opinions about what she personally had done to them, as if this whole fiasco were her fault. It wasn't. She simply did what her superiors told her too over the radio. When the train finally stopped, everyone who had to get off and take the other train crowded up to her window and began screaming at her and cursing as if she personally was trying to ruin their lives. She wasn't.
I get yelled at all the time at work by customers who seem to think that it's either my fault that their life sucks or that since I am in the service industry it is okay to yell at me for no reason. It isn't. I am a person too, just like that MTA operator is a person along with every other person that gets yelled at on a daily basis.
There is always a time a time to get angry. If you are going to get angry, please make sure that a) the person or situation is worthy of your anger. b) that you are not angry over something that is beyond someone else's control. If you are going to yell at someone who is simply doing their job, please think first and make sure they are the ones responsible for your anger. If not, and you still feel the need to yell, please ask to speak to the supervisor above the person so that you are yelling at the right person.

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