Imaginary Friends

As a grown up, I realize that through the course of life I have learned many valuable lessons. Some of them were taught to me by my mom and dad. Some of them I learned in school and through experience. Many of them were taught to me by my aunts. Now, I am an aunt and my oldest niece recently started kindergarten. I know that they say everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten. I disagree. I believe there are some things that one cannot learn in a classroom. These are lessons that can only be learned by living. So, here it is. A year's worth of tiny words of wisdom for all of the nieces and nephews out there, or really for anyone who will listen. They may not work for everybody and you may not agree with all of them, but each is a rule that I either try to live by, or wish I did.

# 35 Don't fall in love with your imaginary friend

I'm not technically talking about actual imaginary friends. Let's say you meet someone. Instantly you feel a sort of connection to that person, whether it be friendship or something more.  I hear people all the time say things like "oh he brings out the best in me." I'm not really sure how I feel about that. Everyday we let people into our lives, and we have to decide in what capacity we will keep them in our lives. Passing ship. Romantic relationship. Friends. What are we supposed to do when we meet someone, decide where to categorize them and then it turns out that they weren't who we thought they were?
I recently had the opportunity to get very close to someone. I wasn't being a stupid girl when I decided that I wanted to date this person. He was so great and different from anybody I had ever dated before. We had so much fun and we spent months, not dating, but building a relationship. We poured our hearts out to one another for a good part of the year, still not dating. I believed everything he told me, whole heartedly, because why shouldn't I? We were really close and so why shouldn't I trust him?
Cut to.... I found out through a sort of mutual friend that this person had created a whole new persona for when they were with me.
I felt as if I had fallen in love with my imaginary friend. I felt that I needed someone in my life so much that I allowed myself to be deceived by this person. It turns out that he wasn't at all the person he was when he was with me. It turns out that all of those big statements about who he was were false.
Now, I am not posting this so you all can feel sorry me. Actually quite the opposite. I am still having trouble grasping why you would create an entire personality just to be close to someone else. Maybe he enjoyed who he was with me. Maybe he was just personality shopping. I don't know.
My advice to you, is to try not to fall in love with your imaginary friend. Many people come into our lives on a daily basis and some of them are just big fat liars. I don't know how you can tell the difference, but if you are going to give any part of your heart to someone else, try your best to make sure that they aren't going to transform into their actual person after they have it.

Recommended Reading: If You Could See Me Now by Cecelia Ahern

At the very least...

As a grown up, I realize that through the course of life I have learned many valuable lessons. Some of them were taught to me by my mom and dad. Some I learned in school and through experience. Many of them were taught to me by my aunts. Now, I am an aunt and my oldest niece recently started kindergarten. I know that they say everything you need to know you learn in kindergarten. I disagree. I believe that there are some things that one cannot learn in a classroom. These are lessons that can only be learned by living. So, here it is. A year's worth of advice for all the nieces and nephews out there, or really for anyone who will listen. They may not work for everybody and you may not agree with all of them, but each one is a rule that I either try to live by or wish I did.

# 25 If you meet someone that you really want to have a conversation with, but just don't have the time, at the very least give that person your phone number.

This is a rule that I am actually still trying to teach myself. Twice in the last month, I have serendipitously ran into someone that I really wanted to have a conversation with. Both were men that I immediately felt a tiny connection with. One of them was outside a theatre. I was waiting for my roommate to come out after his show. This really handsome man came up to me and asked if he could borrow a pen. We chatted very briefly and then my roommate came out and all was forgotten. We went to dinner and when I came back down the street the guy was still sitting, waiting. I got about halfway down the block, on my way to an audition, realized that I really would like to at least have coffee with this guy. I wrote my number down on a scrap of paper and went back to the steps he was sitting on and... HE WAS GONE! Ugh! I had finally gotten up the nerve up to give him my number and, really... he was gone.
Then yesterday I literally ran into this really hot guy coming out of the elevator at the building where I am rehearsing for the show that I was auditioning for when I met the other hot guy. Hmmm... perhaps my destiny is somehow connected with this show.... but anyway, I digress.
I was waiting for the elevator and the door opened and this tall, beautiful man walked out. I batted my eyes at him coyly, politely said "sorry", and got on the elevator. We totally made eyes until the elvator doors closed.
I was so early for rehearsal... I absolutely could have gotten off the elevator and at the very least given him my number. But... I didn't. I don't know why I didn't, but I can't seem to stop wishing I did.
All I'm saying is this... you don't have time to learn their entire life story... fine. You don't have time to grab coffee... fine. But, if you think even for one second that this person will still be on your mind tomorrow... then please, at the very least give this person your number. They may not call you. They may throw your number away as soon as your turn your head, but at least you will have the confidence in knowing that you did all you could do and you got the ball out of your court. This advice is for me as well as all of you.